A Conversation That Actually Just Happened

just funny as hell

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Context: I tasked my fifteen-year-old daughter with ordering food from the local pizzeria.

Athena: Dad!

Me: What?

Athena: I tried calling the pizza place but  I got a weird noise.

Me: Like what?

Athena: “Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.”

Me: …. That’s called a “busy signal.”

Athena: Okay. What does that mean? 

Me: It means someone else was calling them and they were on the phone when you called.

Athena: …. Well, whatever. What do I do now?

Me: Try calling again in a minute.

Athena: (Sighs) Fine.

Me: You… you really didn’t know what a busy signal was?

Athena: I’d heard of them.

Me: Hmmmmmmm.

Athena: I’m going call them again now.

Me: Okay. I’m going to sit over here, being old.

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Wannabe Intellectuals and Bad Advice Part 2

 

I don’t normally go on a post that’s a pure rant like this one is, but I feel the need to vent. On one of the writing forums is a wannabe intellectual who has diarrhea of the fingers. Today he’s trying to tell folks chapters have
to be a certain length.

What a pile of complete bullshit!

Chapters in a novel are as long as they need to be! While I tend to write 3-5k chapters, that doesn’t mean every book needs ones that big. Some are as long as one word, one sentence or one paragraph. But to tell someone they have to be a certain length not only forces a new writer into a mold they don’t need to be in but it can hurt them in the long run.

Frankly, I get so damn tired of listening to the bullshit that comes from so many artistes who will never be published in their lives. All they want to do is tell folks how to be ‘artists’ but it pushes new and aspiring authors into going in a direction that’s not commercially viable.

If you sit back and read other novels, which I challenge folks to do, you’ll find that each writer’s chapters are a different length. There’s no hard and set rule about it!

God, I’m so tired of seeing such stupid shit pushed upon aspiring writers as a rule.


 

Quick Snow Update

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I have 8″ of snow on the ground, freezing rain falling, which has stuck to the trees, making them pretty and more coming today. I took some pictures a little bit ago. Will post some of them later today.

Here Comes the Snow

 

One hour ago it started snowing less than 100 miles from my house. The sense of both excitement and dread hangs in the air like the odor from a dead fish.

We’re still preparing like crazy for the incoming storm. The kerosene heaters aren’t working so we’re getting new ones for the house in case of loss of power. The graphics card for my desktop has arrived, and been installed so that’s taken care of. Now, I’m just sitting back, writing and waiting for the snow to fall. With any luck it’ll start during the daylight hours so I can see it.

The Calm before the Storm

 

As I look out of the sunset, it’s hard to believe that by this time tomorrow I’ll be getting dumped on with snow. Things look so peaceful and carefree that you’d almost think it was just another sunset.

Now, we have modern weather forecasting to keep an eye on things, but what about our ancestors? They’d’ve gone to bed tonight thinking nothing about tomorrow, only to have the snow storm suddenly appear. I can’t help but think about the dismay, fear and worry that they had in being able to make it through the winter and its storms.

Better yet, what about our friends to the south who deal with hurricanes? I wonder how many of them struck over the years, before we had satellites and other means of detecting them, and killed thousands because there was no warning.

Makes one appreciate the technology we have now doesn’t it? And imagine: just one hundred years ago what we take for granted would’ve been in a science fiction novel.

Frosty the Snowman!

 

Well, the forecasted amount of snow continues to go up for tomorrow into Thursday. While this time it’s supposed to start during the day (Yay!) so I can see it, it will cause a headache for the new graphics card that will arrive tomorrow for my desktop computer. Oh, well, I guess you can’t win everything.

Snow is pretty and I have kind of wanted one big snowstorm this year to consider it winter and looks like I’ll get it. After this it can warm up to spring and I’ll be one happy little writer. So…bring it on!

I think I’m going to try to get pictures of it with my camera and I’ll try to post them if I have juice. Hopefully the weather for the rest of you guys will be good. J

A Day In My Life

 

Saturday is my favorite day of the week because it’s when I set the computer down, grab my DSLR and then meet up with a friend. We leave from here, have breakfast at a local Shoney’s and then see if we can’t see a freight train to photograph.

It’s a perfect stress relief for a writer.

Nothing is more relaxing-no matter how much I love writing-then to go out to concentrate on photography. It’s during this time that my mind detox’s and I end up creating plot ideas, stories or even create new characters. Yes, I’m still doing writing activities, but it’s far less stressful because I’m not sitting at the computer trying to figure it out.

Of course, this depends on whether CSX and Norfolk Southern cooperate and move some trains during the daylight hours. When they do it works out perfectly; if not, it becomes a long nap in my truck. Lucky for me today was one of those times that the trains were moving so I actually got to enjoy seeing a few.

Now that I’m home for the day, and have edited my pictures, it’s time to sit down and get back to writing. But, I couldn’t start up without talking about today and thanking you, the reader, for following this blog. J

What Kind of Female Character I like

 

I’m sure by now people are noticing that most of my female characters kick ass and are tough as nails. Why is that? I don’t know really; maybe it’s because I find myself bored with the guy saves the day shit. Or perhaps it’s because I’d love to have a tough girlfriend. Either way, it doesn’t matter because that’s the type of character I like.

One of the things that makes me decide whether or not I like an anime is whether or not it is a ‘girl’s with guns’ or the girls are tough as shit. I love Coyote Ragtime Show and it’s not because of a protagonist. Honestly, I love April and watched the entire series just to see her parts. For some reason I found her far more entertaining.

In Canaan, Alphard is the far more interesting person. Not because she’s unabashedly evil, but because she’s not afraid to kick ass and do the things the guy is normally written to do. I can eat this up all day.

Thus, I end up writing or having characters that are similar appear. Athol is the outlier for me, because I’ve never met or ended up writing about a character that is so sociopathic and evil. The girl just doesn’t care if what she does is wrong. She likes to kill and that’s all it is to it.

Talia, while she can be kind, still carries an air of being sinister under her ‘honor and commitment’ exterior.

Maybe it just boils down to me wanting to have a girlfriend who is tough like that. I don’t know. It’s something I’ll keep thinking on.

Blind Leading the Blind

 

 

Once again I have to say I find the forums to be comedy relief when I’m trying to work out a difficult section on my writing. Today, it’s reviews of someone’s writing and the one’s making the reviews. When I see someone whose writing sucks ass and is boring as hell trying to tell another writer that the other writer’s work is boring, I nearly bust a gut laughing so hard.

You got to love the self-righteous people who think they’re God’s gift to writing! And the same ones can’t write for shit themselves but they’re trying to tell others how to do it. See the combination of stupidity and comedy? It truly is the blind leading the blind.

Things like this continue to hammer home why aspiring writers need to spend more time writing and less time on forums. They’re liable to get advice that sends them down a rabbit hole that they may never recover from.

Making Believable Characters

 

One thing I see discussed a lot on the internet is how to make believable characters, which I admit can be bit of a challenge. So, let’s sit down and discuss this for a couple minutes.

Ok, first off, what makes a believable character? Well, he or she needs to be well-rounded. And what I mean by this is that they need to have both strengths and weaknesses. My character Athol is skilled at killing, in fact she’s one of the best assassins in the Alliance, but she’s also temperamental and arrogant, which can lead to making critical mistakes. Talia? She thinks so highly of herself that she calls herself a ‘tactical genius’ even though most of her plans go south. Throw in a sinister and cruel undercurrent and she’s got enough flaws to choke a horse.

I have to admit though, that creating characters is easy for me now; it’s naming them that I have great difficulty doing. In fact, Athol popped into being all because of the two lines that started off the short story with her. When I wrote them, I didn’t have a clear idea of who the character was until she revealed herself to be this teenaged assassin. That’s why the stories with her are written in first person and as a stream of consciousness. Athol’s telling her own life story, not me, and she’s handling everything.

Now, for most people, creating that character might seem daunting, but it really isn’t. A lot of times, they’ll show themselves as you start your story. Someone I know by the name Maia once told me “just write a story,” which became the mantra I live by. Because here’s why: when you do that, the character will unveil himself or herself to you to start off with, and then as the story progresses they will tell you more about themselves.

See, to me, all of them are real people and I deal with them just like I would you and I. We talk, communicate, and I learn about them and they learn from me. To those who aren’t truly artistically inclined, this might be hard to understand, but it’s truly simple. You want a realistic character, then let them come to life and tell their own life story. You, the writer, are nothing more than the one putting the story to paper. Remember that.