Life with Mental Illness

It’s not often that I open up myself like this publicly or on my blog. It’s always seemed to me best to keep business/politics/person separated. However, this time I’m finding things different.


Your humble blog owner has bipolar and I’ve decided to also blog about and express how I feel each day or week as I continue to live with something I was diagnosed with in 2001.

As of Today, I have been out of work for a week and won’t go back for another 3-4 more days. This time, while seemingly relaxing to people who would kill to have to time off, has been miserable. It’s been a time of what the mental health professionals call “mixing,” which is particular to my type of Bipolar Type II. It’s when you want to scream and yell and run around and burn energy while at the same time you’re depressed and want to cry. It’s a very miserable feeling-and is the part that is most responsible for suicides by people with bipolar. Luckily for me, I don’t find that attractive or useful so I never let it bother me to that point. Doesn’t mean it’s not miserable mind you.

I’ve finally stopped mixing and now feel tired, depressed and sedated. This keeps me from having flash temper issues since I’m a rapid cycler. However, it’s in some ways interfered with my writing abilities and in other ways it has not. I’ll keep you abreast of that.

Today has been an okay day…just like I said above: tired, sedated and feeling down.

However, I try to keep a good attitude and keep slogging through it because it *has* to change one day-and it will. So, this too will pass. It’s just another speedbump in the road of life.

Will post again tomorrow if I’m able to.

Thoughts on RIR NASCAR Test 8-19-8-21-2013




I was lucky enough to spend the last couple days watching the Cup Cars test at RIR and came back with some observations. First off, the cars are much faster than they were with the previous ‘car of tomorrow.’ The way the drivers drive the track is so much different than they did before.

Back in the day with Dale Jarrett and others won Richmond, the favorite line on the scanners was ‘float her in’ and ‘watch your brakes.’ Now, they dive deep into the turns. Although some do drive the track different.

Here’s my observations on the various makes:



When you start with the BowTie brigade, you have to start with Jimmie Johnson foremost. And since Hendrick Motorsports was the only Chevy team there, I only have my observations on the teams.

Jimmie? Well, Jimmie is Jimmie. Car looks smooth, bad ass fast, and has a different engine sound than the other three HMS cars. Not sure if it’s from the headers or a combination. However, what I did notice is he eats folks up getting into the turn because he backs it up…and then gets back on the gas earlier. Chad and the boys have it down to a science in getting the car the way Jimmie wants it.

Jr and Kasey Kahne I can lump together. Both had moments where they looked fast and other times they looked ho hum. Of the two, JR’s car looked faster but without a stopwatch I can’t prove it. I think they’ll run okay in 3 weeks.

Jeff Gordon…he looked the worst of the four. Even when he said ‘make no changes to the car’ he didn’t look fast. Very slow getting onto the gas off turn 2 and at RIR turn 2 makes or breaks your lap. Mess up 2 and your toast for that lap.

So I’d rank it 48-88-5-24 in that order.




No offense to Bad Brad, but I think Joey just flat out was running better. Now, maybe the blackish blue primer made 2 seem slower but I just never got the feel that his car was as fast as Joey’s.

Not to say that Joey’s didn’t have its ho-hum moments. It did when I got to the track around 4pmish. However, the longer the day went on, the faster it got. At one point he was visually faster than any other car on the track and was ‘handling down the backstretch’ equal to Jimmie.

Brad had his moments too when he was bad fast too.

Casey Mears’ team tested but it never seemed like they got going well. At first, they were geared too low and not handling. Then it seemed they changed gear and got fast…and then switched back at night and took a major step backwards.

There was a Fusion there in pure primer so I couldn’t tell who owned it (Penske or Germaine) but I can tell you this: it was bad fast when on the track. You could look at it and tell it was fast because the Hendrick cars were in same color primer so it was easy to compare against. JR had to hurry to get out of the way a couple times because the car was that fast.

So, ranking the Ford Guys: Primer Car, 22, 2, 13

Michael Waltrip Racing (Toyota)


Of the Toyota boys, both Truex Jr. and Bowyer were fast at times too. During a 30 lap simulated race, he pulled away from JJ and the boys (even though Logano came out late and ran everyone down but 56 by the end. 22 passed everyone including JJ having started a straightaway behind)until deciding it was time to hit the garage. So, he ran good.

Bowyer’s car looked smooth off turn 2 a bit more than 56 but both were running good.


Almendinger in 55. Never seemed that fast, but in his defense, he had to hop into a car on short notice and run a test with a team he’s not familiar with. I’m not going to knock him for that. If Vickers had been in the car, I might’ve been able to get a better feel.

Ranking: 56, 15, 55



We’ll have to wait for race weekend to see who will win, but I think 48, 22, 2, 5, 88, 56, 15 have to be considered at the top of the list. Gordon might surprise me but I’m not expecting much and JR? He can be hit or miss. Given the need for a Chase spot, I’m guessing he and Steve Letarte are going to ‘hit’ more than ‘miss.’

I hope everyone has fun at the race. J

Depression And Feeling Miserable


The sad thing about being one who suffers from a form of depression is that fact that it can make such a sudden appearance. Today, I’ve been doing nothing but polishing my novel and just now feel like crying.


That’s a question I can’t answer. All I know is I suddenly feel depressed and can’t put a finger on why. Oh I could name fifty thousand things, but I don’t think any of them are the true cause of why I feel this way. Somehow, I can help but think it just comes on to come on and take me onto a ride into sadness.

Either way, that’s not much I can do but hold on and wait for the ride to climb back up again. Yes, it sucks, but will belly aching do any good? Not one damn bit, so I guess I just have to live with it.

Train Physics and Video




In this video we have a Canadian Pacific (CP) container train leaving the yard after a crew change. Note how he gradually increases the power. You can tell when he grabs each ‘notch’ (which means the slot on the control stand) as they get up to speed. I can hear the question: “Why didn’t he just give it full power and take off?” Well, here’s why:

The standard drawbar on a car is rated for 350-390k pounds of force, so if the engineer took off too hard, then he could exceed that and pull the train apart. That’s not good. If it’s a broken knuckle, that can be replaced fairly easily. If a drawbar is pulled, then that can require the car department to come fix it-and they could be in that yard or at another one several hours away. Either way, it’ll tie of the RR, get the Trainsmaster’s upset an truly anger the Dispatchers because it ruins the flow.

Royal baby: Duchess of Cambridge gives birth to a boy – live coverage

Per the UK Daily Guardian:

• Baby born at 4.24pm at St Mary’s hospital in London
• Announcement made just over four hours later
• Duke of Cambridge was present for healthy birth
• Kensington Palace says baby weighs 8lb 6oz
• Do you know your royal baby names?
• Is your baby being born today?
• Tracing the royal baby’s lineage